Reflection

Oftentimes, I’d ask myself what do I really want, what are the things that I’d like if my environment hadn’t influenced me, what do my soul looks like? oftentimes, I’d stop in the middle of nowhere figuring myself out then I’d sigh in frustration. Figuring myself out is still a constant battle up until now but if I were to relate myself to something, what would that be?

“Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me why is my reflection someone I don’t know” When I first heard these lyrics, it did hit me. really hard. It came from a song entitled “reflection” (if I’m not mistaken) which sang by Lea Salonga. Although it is a question, it somehow seemed like a description of myself; a lost and a questioning part of me. I never knew what I like to do with my life, maybe this enormous confusion is the latter or the product of my decisions in the past and of my experiences. I’ve faced alot and I’ve gone through alot. Few things I know about myself so far is I’m in the middle of confusion and uncertainties, I could barely describe myself for I know so little about me.

My life so far feels so incomplete, there’s this void inside my heart that I can’t quite fill no matter how hard I try but I guess I’ll just keep on looking and searching, I don’t have a choice, do I? If I want to be happy and fulfilled, I must do something about it. I’m such a mess and don’t know how to fix myself (if I could ever be fixed). All I know is I have to survive each day in this cruel world in which I think I don’t even belong at all.